Photos taken by Carrie Meghan Photography
I remember many years ago I made a silent wish for three things: a dog, a bicycle and a nice camera. I thought if I could just have these three things I would be happy. A couple years, and many bumps and bruises later I was able to sell my car and buy a bicycle and a canon rebel (which was plenty nice for me) and I adopted my dog from the animal shelter. It wasn't immediately after acquiring the three things, but some time afterwords I looked at my life, I was so happy! I realized I had gotten all I wanted and It actually worked. I was incredibly fulfilled in life.
When telling someone this, I remember being looked at and judged. Because how superficial of me! That these three things could bring so much happiness to my life. But you see, it wasn't so much about them as much as it was what they represented. When I had made that wish I was living in a very controlled environment. I was limited not just financially, but also in the amount of affection and love I was getting. I was definitely not in an environment that cultivated any creativity or artistic projects.
I didn't have the wherewithal to see it then, but now looking back I can. I needed the dog for companionship, affection and nonjudgmental love. I needed the bicycle for the strength to move on my own, for freedom from anyone or thing that was holding me down. The camera was not only for artistic expression, but also for honesty. To be able to see the world around me for what it is and capture the beauty in that.
Many years have passed since this time, I no longer need the bike for freedom, the camera for artistic expression or the dog for affection, but I get that from all of them and treasure them all.
Last night while reading Redding to sleep, I looked down at my beautiful son, his adorable bedroom and the new tattoo on my forearm and realized that once again, wishes I had made for my life have come true. I have this beautiful family and in moments that I remember to stop being stressed about the little things and appreciate the love we have for each other, can make me overflow with joy and love. I have a home, that although is still a work in progress, it's my home, we've pieced together our belongings and created a space to be comfortable in, to be honest in and that cultivates artistic endeavors. Perhaps it's silly and superficial to throw the new tattoo in this category. But, I think to me it means self expression. Finally being comfortable enough in my own skin to do and be who I want. To throw off any shackles of preconceived notions of who I was supposed to be in life.
I'm sure many years from now I will be able to look back at my little happinesses now with a more knowing eye. But for now I am just enjoying living this sweet little life of mine.
p.s. please note: both my children have been napping for 45 minutes. that much solitude would give any mother a more positive look on her life ;) so be at peace if you don't feel this way about yours, most days I don't either. <3